GEORGE CARLIN ON RELIGION QUOTES

“I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.”

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”

“Religion is just mind control.”

“I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a ‘common purpose’. ‘Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they’re going to visit at 3am.”

“I could never understand ethnic or national pride because, to me, pride should be reserved for something you achieve or attain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn’t a skill… it’s a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn’t say I’m proud to be 5’11″… I’m proud to have a predisposition for colon cancer.”

“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you.” MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES FOR EXAMS

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'”

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”

“I’m not a very good Christian, but I’d be an excellent Christian if people actually practiced Christianity.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Religion is like a pair of shoes…..Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.”

“When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.”

“I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. And I don’t take very seriously the media, either.”

“I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke-free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and