“I may smile and nod, but inside I’m mentally stabbing you repeatedly with a fork”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right”

“I didn’t choose the petty life, the petty life chose me”

“I may forgive, but I never forget”

“I don’t always engage in petty behaviour, but when I do, I make sure to do it with style”

“I’m not a morning person, don’t test me”

“I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome”

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all – unless of course it’s hilarious”

“I have a PhD in sarcasm, don’t mess with me” “I may be a jerk, but at least I’m honest about it”

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my Netflix binge”

“I’d insult you, but I’m afraid I’d give you a compliment by mistake”

“My middle finger is reserved for special occasions” I LIKE YOU A LOT QUOTES

“I’m not rude, I’m brutally honest”

“I’m not bossy, I just know what’s best for everyone”

“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong”

“I’m not a morning person, I’m not an afternoon person – I’m barely even a person”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong”

“I don’t have an attitude problem, you just have a problem with my attitude”

“If at first you don’t succeed, fix your ponytail and try again”

“If I gave you my opinion, it’s because I want you to have it”

“I have a personality you can’t handle”

“I’m not negative, I’m just realistic”

“There’s no such thing as too much sarcasm”