“He may not have a job and he may not have a brain, but he’s still my husband.”

“I’m not a doctor or a therapist, but sometimes it helps just to talk to someone.”

“I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”

“I don’t think America can take four more years of inexperience in the White House.”

“I think we should just stay friends, but add a few benefits.”

“It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”

“We need a new mattress. This one’s starting to look like a Venn diagram.”

“I’m not normally a praying woman, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.”

“I’m allergic to seafood. Every time I eat crab cakes, my face swells up like a beach ball.”

“I’m not a bad parent, I’m just an exhausted one.”

“I can’t be responsible for what my face does when you talk.”

“I’ll clean the house when pigs fly, and they’re circling the block.”

“I’m not a morning person, but I’m also not an evening person. I’m just not a person.” PEDIATRICIAN QUOTES

“I don’t believe in breaks. You either work or you don’t.”

“I’m not crazy, I’m just a cartoon character in a crazy world.”

“Sometimes it feels like life’s a battle and every day’s a fight.”

“I don’t want to be a nag, but can’t you see I’m already there?”

“I’ve been up all night grading papers. If you need me, I’ll be in a coma.”

“Men are like parking spots – all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.”

“It’s like I always say, ‘a little lipstick never hurts’.”

“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”

“I know I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty darn close.”

“I carry a spare tire, but at least it’s not in the trunk.”

“I’m like a chardonnay – sometimes too dry and sometimes too sweet.”