JOHNSON PEEP SHOW QUOTES

“This is the way the world ends; not with a bang, but with a whimper.” – Johnson

“You’re more emotional than I am, and I fuck dead animals.” – Johnson

“What’s happened to you? You used to be a tragic fuck-up. Now you’re just a fuck-up.” – Johnson

“You know, there’s a limit to how many times you can watch somebody climb up a ladder and fall down a cliff before you snap.” – Johnson

“Maybe if I want to lose weight, I should take up tapeworm instead of jogging.” – Johnson

“Just like my father always said, ‘Life is a shit sandwich. But if you’ve got enough bread, you can pretend it’s a burger.'” – Johnson

“I’m living proof that you can’t polish a turd.” – Johnson

“I’m like a Russian doll of cruel intentions.” – Johnson

“I’m not saying I’ve got nothing to hide, just that I don’t want everything revealed.” – Johnson “I was happier when I didn’t care about anything.” – Johnson

“I’ve got a better chance of successfully mating with a bumblebee than getting a date with a human woman.” – Johnson

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can never trust anyone. Especially not yourself.” – Johnson

“Life is just a series of disappointments, punctuated by the occasional blowjob.” – Johnson BERTHOLD AUERBACH QUOTES

“My ideal woman is half mermaid, half unicorn, with a dash of centaur thrown in for good measure.” – Johnson

“Nobody’s perfect. Apart from me, obviously.” – Johnson

“People always say laughter is the best medicine, but they clearly haven’t tried prescription drugs.” – Johnson

“The problem with solving your own problems is that you’re never quite sure if you’re making them worse.” – Johnson

“There’s no such thing as a happy ending. Just various degrees of sadness.” – Johnson

“This is why I don’t make decisions. Decisions are for grown-ups.” – Johnson

“We’re all just animals pretending we’re not animals.” – Johnson

“When life gives you lemons, make vodka and have a cocktail party.” – Johnson

“Who needs friends when you have a disposable income?” – Johnson

“You can’t choose your family, but you can choose to ignore them.” – Johnson

“You’re like the herpes of friends – just when I think you’re gone, you come back stronger than ever.” – Johnson