“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”

“I’m not great at advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“I am not lazy, I am on energy-saving mode.”

“I have a terrible memory, so remind me to forget.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my passionate displeasure.”

“You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you do for fun.”

“I am not arguing, I am just explaining why I am correct.”

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three or four times, just to be sure.”

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing doing nothing.”

“I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”

“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” COMEBACK QUOTES FOR HATERS

“I can’t adult today, I need a nap.”

“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?”

“I’m not overweight, I’m just undertall.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m passionate about this pettiness.”

“I’m not useless, I can be used as a bad example.”

“I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.”

“I’m not always late, but when I am, it’s usually because of traffic, parking, or preferring not to be there.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m exploring ideas from alternate vantage points.”

“I’m not perfect, but I’m so close it scares me.”

“I’m not small, I’m just concentrated awesome packed into tiny packaging.”