“I’ll carry you, Klinger. As far as my legs will take me, and then I’ll carry you.”

“There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit.”

“I’m a surgeon, not an executioner.”

“I am not a psychiatrist. I’m just a guy who talks to people.”

“I have a degree in sarcasm. It’s a science, you know.”

“Never underestimate the power of a good outfit on a bad day.”

“I’m a peace-loving man; I’m just at war with the world.”

“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.”

“I’m allergic to bullets.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, call for an airstrike.”

“I love humanity, it’s people I can’t stand.”

“I have a photographic memory. Unfortunately, it’s out of film.”

“Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea.” FEELING UNLUCKY QUOTES

“Never put off to tomorrow what you can accomplish today by doing it tomorrow.”

“All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.”

“I’m not against work, I’m just against doing it.”

“I’m a visual person. I watch TV with my eyes closed.”

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.”

“If you can’t beat ’em, aggravate ’em.”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter. But I’m also a fighter, so don’t push it.”

“I am not the doctor. I am Hawkeye. The doctor’s my friend.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

“I do not have an alcoholic problem. I am a drunk. There’s a difference.”

“I refuse to believe that corporations are people until Texas executes one.”