“The future isn’t just bright, it’s flush-filled.”

“I prefer toilet paper over the three seashells.”

“You can’t have a good day without a good poop.”

“Don’t trust a fart after 30.”

“Always put the seat down, unless you want a surprise dip in the ocean.”

“I’m on a roll, I’ve got the toilet paper to prove it.”

“When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy toilet paper.”

“Some people think they’re so fancy because they use bidets. I prefer my water to be drinkable.”

“Never underestimate the power of a clean toilet seat.”

“A bathroom selfie is just a polite way of saying, ‘I’m taking a dump!'”

“I like my toilet seat like I like my relationships: stable and unchanging.”

“It’s not a true party until you’ve had to unclog the toilet.”

“The best things in life are free, like toilet paper in public restrooms.” FOOTBALL IS A SIMPLE GAME QUOTE

“A bad day can always be made better with a good poop.”

“Pro tip: don’t eat yellow snow, and don’t drink from the toilet.”

“The toilet is my throne, and I am the king of my domain.”

“Dropping a deuce is nature’s way of resetting your day.”

“Always be kind to your toilet, it’s been through a lot.”

“The only job worse than a plumber is a toilet cleaner.”

“The bathroom is the only place where it’s socially acceptable to be antisocial.”

“A clean toilet is a happy toilet, and a happy toilet is a happy home.”

“When in doubt, flush it out.”

“I don’t always go to the bathroom, but when I do, someone else always needs to use it too.”

“The bathroom is where magic happens. Specifically, the magic of digestion.”