“I hate it when people ask me if my car has a name. It’s not like it’s my freaking pet dog.”

“Why do people say ‘carpet’ when they can just say ‘floor fur’?”

“My car is like my bathroom mirror, it shows me all my flaws but I still love it.”

“I accidentally hit a parked car today. It’s okay though, the owner wrote me a blank check for damages. I think he was a bank robber.”

“Why do they call it rush hour? It’s more like crawl hour.”

“I don’t always drive fast, but when I do, I make sure there’s a speed camera nearby.”

“My car is like my third child. It cries, it poops, and it always needs a good scrub.”

“I’m not saying I’m an expert in cars, but I can tell the difference between a Mustang and a Toyota.”

“Why do people honk their horns the moment the light turns green? Like, chill, Karen. It’s not a race.”

“I don’t need therapy, I just need a road trip in my car.”

“I named my car after my ex. It’s unreliable, always stalls, and has a terrible attitude.”

“Why are car commercials always filmed in the desert? Like, I’m pretty sure I’m not taking my Prius off-roading anytime soon.”

“I’m pretty sure my car is the reason I have trust issues.” FEBRUARY LETTER BOARD QUOTES

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. It’s like driving, you know?”

“Why do they call it ‘carpooling’ when you’re not even allowed to swim in it?”

“I don’t always know where I’m going, but as long as I have gas in my car, I’m okay.”

“Why do they call it a ‘parking lot’ when it’s more like a ‘driving around trying to find a spot’ lot?”

“My car is like my personal bubble. Don’t invade it with your bad driving habits.”

“Why do they call it ‘taking the bus’? Shouldn’t it be called ‘the bus taking you’?”

“I don’t understand people who drive with their windows down in the rain. Like, are you trying to get your car wet?”

“I’m pretty sure my car has magical powers. It always knows when I’m running late.”

“Why do they call it ‘parallel parking’ when it’s more like ‘parallel cursing’?”

“My car is like Mary Poppins’ bag, it always has more junk in it than I thought was possible.”

“Why do they call it ‘stick shift’ when you’re using your hand, not your feet?”