“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“Good lawyers know the law; great lawyers know the judge.”

“A lawyer is someone who’s learned how to make money off of other people’s problems.”

“Lawyers are like scissors – they cut on one side and measure on the other.”

“Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse.”

“I have a photographic memory, except for when it comes to all of the cases I’ve lost.”

“I’m not a lawyer, but I play one on TV.”

“The only thing worse than a lawyer is a lawyer with a sense of humor.”

“The trouble with law is lawyers.” “I went to law school to become a superhero, but all I got was this lousy bar card.”

“We have enough laws – it’s time to enforce the ones we have.”

“Lawyers are the only profession where a criminal record can actually improve your reputation.”

“Why did the lawyer climb to the top of the mountain? To bill more hours.” BOY PROPOSING GIRL QUOTES

“Why don’t lawyers get lost on the way to court? Because they always follow the precedent.”

“A lawyer’s opinion is worth more than his weight in gold – until you get the bill.”

“I used to be a lawyer, but now I’m a reformed character.”

“Why did the lawyer go to bed? He wanted to pass the bar the next day.”

“People always ask me why I became a lawyer. I tell them it’s because I love arguing.”

“I’m not a lawyer, but I can play one in court.”

“Lawyers are like fish – after a while, they start to smell.”

“Good lawyers are objective, impartial, and fiction-free… wait, that’s a unicorn.”

“The only thing more dangerous than a lawyer is a politician who used to be a lawyer.”

“Why did the lawyer go to the beach? To file a motion for summary judgment.”

“A lawyer’s dog is his best friend – until the dog learns how to bill by the hour.”