“I have a love/hate relationship with my computer. It hates me, I love it.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success!”

“I may be a geek, but I still know how to CTRL+ALT+DEL.”

“The internet: where humanity goes to complain about how much it hates humanity.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“Error. Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.”

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”

“The three most important things in life: Bacon, peanut butter, and chocolate.” “I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.”

“I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.”

“I don’t always procrastinate, but when I do, I prefer to do it on the internet.”

“I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually because I googled it.” ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE QUOTES

“I’m not sure if I’m actually witty, or if I’m just really good at Google.”

“I’ve decided to stop procrastinating. Just as soon as I finish this show on Netflix.”

“Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”

“I have the memory of a goldfish, which means I’ll probably forget that I just said that.”

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. Again.”

“I may be a nerd, but at least I’m a cool nerd.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“My brain has too many tabs open.”

“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”