“I’m not a betting man, but if I were, I’d bet on me.”

“I declare bankruptcy!”

“Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.”

“Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.”

“I’ll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.”

“That’s what she said.”

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So, I’m wise and I have worms.” “I don’t care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99 percent sure.”

“My mind is going a mile an hour.”

“I’m just a normal guy who happens to be obsessed with karate.”

“I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.” FRIENDSHIP QUOTES MARK TWAIN

“I have a perfect way to get Jim to stop pranking me. Every time he does something, I’ll just do something completely normal. That’ll show him.”

“I am faster than 80% of all snakes.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to do here, but you’re making me feel very uncomfortable.”

“Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”

“I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office.”

“I am both excited and scared. Or, as one of my favorite actors, David Duchovny, said…excitement and fear are two sides of the same coin.”

“I’m Michael Scott’s emergency contact. That’s true.”

“As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of its misery. With the electricity we are using, we are killing ourselves, slowly. Just like that sick cow.”

“You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.”

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”

“I have been Jim’s number two guy for years. And now it’s my turn to be number one. And I’m not going to let anyone down.”