“Ah’m no’ arguein’ wi’ ye, ah’m tellin’ ye!” – Jack Jarvis

“Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.” – Isa Drennan

“Haw, Winston! Where’s yer troosers?” – Tam Mullen

“Ah don’t know what all the fuss is about, it’s just a wee cake.” – Navid Harrid

“It’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.” – Winston Ingram

“Ah’m spooked, petrified, ah’m no’ goin’ for a burton in there!” – Eric Jones

“Yer bum’s out the windae ya rocket!” – Isa Drennan

“Dae ye know how they get salmonella? They sniff each other’s arses!” – Methadone Mick

“Yeah, I’ve got four kids… that I know about.” – Pete The Jakey “Ah’ve no been this close to The Law since ah nicked a marrow out of that polis’ garden.” – Winston Ingram

“That’s an absolute outrage! I’ll be writing a letter to the council about this.” – Eric Jones

“Don’t you come the raw prawn with me, ya wee snake in the grass!” – Tam Mullen

“I’m not into anything too kinky, unless it’s with George Clooney.” – Isa Drennan IVANA HUMPALOT QUOTES

“I’m, a go-getter, a self-starter, a born survivor… unless there’s a buffet on.” – Navid Harrid

“I don’t like women’s tennis… all that grunting and groaning… I mean, there’s no need for it.” – Winston Ingram

“Ah don’t know how to tell ye this Isa, but yer tea’s oot.” – Jack Jarvis

“Thank Christ for that, I thought I was going to have to do something.” – Eric Jones

“In my day, a selfie was something you did in a photobooth with yer pals after a few pints.” – Tam Mullen

“Ah have a photographic memory, it just doesn’t seem to be developed yet.” – Pete The Jakey

“Ah’d rather eat ma own liver than dae that!” – Methadone Mick

“I don’t need a passport to go to France, they’re my next door neighbours.” – Navid Harrid

“The only time I go to the gym is when I’m on jury duty.” – Isa Drennan

“If at first you don’t succeed, give up.” – Winston Ingram

“Ah said to her, ‘you’ll never see me again,’ she said, ‘I’ll see to that!” – Jack Jarvis.